Thursday, December 25
Sunday, December 14
Christmas came early this year~
PEGGY NOONAN
Joy to the World
They thought that we would rue it. They doubted we'd do it. But now they must admit it, that succeed we did.
Sunday, December 14, 2003 12:20 p.m. EST
"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."--Paul Bremer
First, let's just be happy. Let's feel a burst of joy.
Let's not be boring people who Consider the Implications. Let's not talk about the domestic political impact. For just a day let's feel the pleasure history just handed us.
All morning the words of an old song of the old America have been running through my head. From "My Fair Lady," from the age when Americans whistled Broadway show tunes on the street. Rex Harrison (a bow today to our valiant allies, the English) jauntily crows over Eliza Doolittle's first triumph.
"Pickering Tonight, old man, you did it!
You did it! You did it! You said that you would do it;
And indeed you did. I thought that you would rue it;
I doubted you'd do it. But now I must admit it
That succeed you did. You should get a medal
Or be even made a knight."
As far as I'm concerned he could be singing this to American troops, and the American administration, and America's allies, and the Iraqis who suffered through so much to get to this moment.
This is a great day in modern history. A terrible man whose existence had been for decades actively harmful of humanity was forcibly removed from power, run to ground, and has been captured living in a hole. As I write, the television is showing videotape of his hair being checked for lice and his mouth being inspected with a pencil light for signs of disease. The white plastic pinpoint light illuminates his throat and gums. It looks like the mouth of hell. He has been utterly defeated and quelled. He can't kill anybody now. He cannot gas women and children with chemicals that kill them; he cannot personally torture dissidents, or imprison them. He cannot tell his soldiers to throw opponents off the tops of buildings. He can't impose his sickness and sadism on the world. The children of Baghdad dance in the streets. A nightmare is over.
America did this. American troops did this. The American people, by supporting those troops and this effort, did it. And a particular group of soldiers led by a particular U.S. army officer did it. As Dana Priest of the Washington Post has just reported on NBC, he is a big, tall, bearlike guy who loves his job and whose attitude toward his mission was, apparently, a natural and constitutional optimism. We don't yet know his name, but he'll be famous by tomorrow morning.
What do we learn? Well, as Samuel Johnson said, "Man needs more to be reminded than instructed," so what are we reminded of through the happy ending of this story?
That human agency works and is an active force in history. You don't have to sit back and accept; you don't have to continue to turn a blind eye; you don't have to sit and do nothing, because all action involves choice and all choice invites repercussion. You can move forward. You can take action. You can go in and remove a threat to the world. You can make the world safer. You can help people. Just because they live in Iraq and we don't bump into them every day doesn't mean they don't merit assistance and even sacrifice.
We are reminded, all of us, that patience is necessary, that nothing big can be accomplished without it. America and Iraq searched day and night for Saddam Hussein for eight months. And for some time they searched for a man half of them thought had already been obliterated in the early days of the war. But they didn't know and they had to find him if he was alive. They had to find him even if he was surrounded by a thousand troops and explosives. So there was their patience, and there was the patience of Washington: political patience. If he's there, we will find him. The administration's foes had attempted to embarrass them for eight months. The administration simply said: If he's there, we will find him; we won't give up until we do. Good for them for not spinning it but simply having faith in the troops and being patient.
And we are reminded that when you do what is right, you can be rewarded. When you summon the guts to take a controversial stand, and accept the price of that stand, and the price comes in every day, you can win. And that victory can make things better.
Now Iraq's Baathist movement is over; its chief is humiliated, revealed as a coward, caught and ridiculous. Now the people of Iraq will be able to testify in court about what he did, in front of his face. Now we all may find out a great deal more about what exactly Saddam did with the weapons of mass destruction we know he had in the past, for he used them on the Kurds and against Iran in the old war. Where did those weapons go? Where are they now? What about Saddam's relations with al Qaeda? What papers will we find now, what evidence? And what will he say in an attempt to save his skin?
Next stop, Osama. May we find him in a hole. May we search his beard for lice and his gums for disease. May we see in the reflection of the light the mouth of hell, and may we close it for him tight.
All the journalists and politicians, they are always embarrassed to feel joy when something like this happens. They fear it will show a lack of understanding that history is a heavy and ponderous thing, a big tragedy machine, and all progress is illusory. Celebrating a military triumph--and this was among other things a military triumph--seems to them tantamount to Kiplingism, quaintly ignorant and unhelpfully nationalistic. That's why everyone on TV today is furrowing his brow. They know joy is the wrong thing to be feeling. It's unsophisticated. But normal people don't have to be sophisticated. They can be normal. And happy. And say what normal Americans say when something great in history happens. "Thanks, God. Thanks a lot."
Ms. Noonan is a contributing editor of The Wall Street Journal and author of "A Heart, a Cross, and a Flag" (Wall Street Journal Books/Simon & Schuster), which you can buy from the OpinionJournal bookstore. Her column appears Thursdays.
PEGGY NOONAN
Joy to the World
They thought that we would rue it. They doubted we'd do it. But now they must admit it, that succeed we did.
Sunday, December 14, 2003 12:20 p.m. EST
"Ladies and gentlemen, we got him."--Paul Bremer
First, let's just be happy. Let's feel a burst of joy.
Let's not be boring people who Consider the Implications. Let's not talk about the domestic political impact. For just a day let's feel the pleasure history just handed us.
All morning the words of an old song of the old America have been running through my head. From "My Fair Lady," from the age when Americans whistled Broadway show tunes on the street. Rex Harrison (a bow today to our valiant allies, the English) jauntily crows over Eliza Doolittle's first triumph.
"Pickering Tonight, old man, you did it!
You did it! You did it! You said that you would do it;
And indeed you did. I thought that you would rue it;
I doubted you'd do it. But now I must admit it
That succeed you did. You should get a medal
Or be even made a knight."
As far as I'm concerned he could be singing this to American troops, and the American administration, and America's allies, and the Iraqis who suffered through so much to get to this moment.
This is a great day in modern history. A terrible man whose existence had been for decades actively harmful of humanity was forcibly removed from power, run to ground, and has been captured living in a hole. As I write, the television is showing videotape of his hair being checked for lice and his mouth being inspected with a pencil light for signs of disease. The white plastic pinpoint light illuminates his throat and gums. It looks like the mouth of hell. He has been utterly defeated and quelled. He can't kill anybody now. He cannot gas women and children with chemicals that kill them; he cannot personally torture dissidents, or imprison them. He cannot tell his soldiers to throw opponents off the tops of buildings. He can't impose his sickness and sadism on the world. The children of Baghdad dance in the streets. A nightmare is over.
America did this. American troops did this. The American people, by supporting those troops and this effort, did it. And a particular group of soldiers led by a particular U.S. army officer did it. As Dana Priest of the Washington Post has just reported on NBC, he is a big, tall, bearlike guy who loves his job and whose attitude toward his mission was, apparently, a natural and constitutional optimism. We don't yet know his name, but he'll be famous by tomorrow morning.
What do we learn? Well, as Samuel Johnson said, "Man needs more to be reminded than instructed," so what are we reminded of through the happy ending of this story?
That human agency works and is an active force in history. You don't have to sit back and accept; you don't have to continue to turn a blind eye; you don't have to sit and do nothing, because all action involves choice and all choice invites repercussion. You can move forward. You can take action. You can go in and remove a threat to the world. You can make the world safer. You can help people. Just because they live in Iraq and we don't bump into them every day doesn't mean they don't merit assistance and even sacrifice.
We are reminded, all of us, that patience is necessary, that nothing big can be accomplished without it. America and Iraq searched day and night for Saddam Hussein for eight months. And for some time they searched for a man half of them thought had already been obliterated in the early days of the war. But they didn't know and they had to find him if he was alive. They had to find him even if he was surrounded by a thousand troops and explosives. So there was their patience, and there was the patience of Washington: political patience. If he's there, we will find him. The administration's foes had attempted to embarrass them for eight months. The administration simply said: If he's there, we will find him; we won't give up until we do. Good for them for not spinning it but simply having faith in the troops and being patient.
And we are reminded that when you do what is right, you can be rewarded. When you summon the guts to take a controversial stand, and accept the price of that stand, and the price comes in every day, you can win. And that victory can make things better.
Now Iraq's Baathist movement is over; its chief is humiliated, revealed as a coward, caught and ridiculous. Now the people of Iraq will be able to testify in court about what he did, in front of his face. Now we all may find out a great deal more about what exactly Saddam did with the weapons of mass destruction we know he had in the past, for he used them on the Kurds and against Iran in the old war. Where did those weapons go? Where are they now? What about Saddam's relations with al Qaeda? What papers will we find now, what evidence? And what will he say in an attempt to save his skin?
Next stop, Osama. May we find him in a hole. May we search his beard for lice and his gums for disease. May we see in the reflection of the light the mouth of hell, and may we close it for him tight.
All the journalists and politicians, they are always embarrassed to feel joy when something like this happens. They fear it will show a lack of understanding that history is a heavy and ponderous thing, a big tragedy machine, and all progress is illusory. Celebrating a military triumph--and this was among other things a military triumph--seems to them tantamount to Kiplingism, quaintly ignorant and unhelpfully nationalistic. That's why everyone on TV today is furrowing his brow. They know joy is the wrong thing to be feeling. It's unsophisticated. But normal people don't have to be sophisticated. They can be normal. And happy. And say what normal Americans say when something great in history happens. "Thanks, God. Thanks a lot."
Ms. Noonan is a contributing editor of The Wall Street Journal and author of "A Heart, a Cross, and a Flag" (Wall Street Journal Books/Simon & Schuster), which you can buy from the OpinionJournal bookstore. Her column appears Thursdays.
Sunday, December 7
From Snopes.com:
Claim: Sears pays the difference in salaries and maintains benefits for their called-up reservist employees.
Status: True.
I HOPE you have all seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up.
Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution.
I suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.
Pass it on.
Origins: Although many employers look favorably on military service and even encourage it, there are some who find it burdensome to have an employee who spends time away from the job. Military reservists pose a particular challenge to employers because they're subject to recall to active duty at any time -- call-ups to active service during times of war may not occur often, but active duty recalls can occur even during peacetime, and nearly every reservist has to take occasional leave from his regular job for monthly drills and annual training.
In order to provide a measure of employment security to reservists subject to active duty recall and minimize the disadvantages that occur when reservists need to be absent from their civilian employment to serve in the uniformed services, the United States enacted the Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA) in 1994. Codified in Chapter 43, Part III, Title 38 of the United States Code, this act mandates that "any person whose absence from a position of employment is necessitated by reason of service in the uniformed services shall be entitled to reemployment rights and benefits."
Of course, reservists give up more than just their jobs when they're called up for active duty. Although the law may require that their former positions be waiting for them when they return, many reservists still have to deal with the financial hardships of the difference in pay between their civilian jobs and their military positions; as well, other job benefits they may lose out on while on active duty (such as medical insurance coverage or participation in employer bonus plans) are not guaranteed to them. Some employers voluntarily go the extra mile for their reservist employees, making up the difference between their regular pay and their military pay while they're on active duty and ensuring that all employer-sponsored benefits associated with their jobs remain in force.
Sears is indeed one of the employers who take additional steps to show support for employees involved in serving their country by guaranteeing the continuance of their civilian pay and benefits. Many other companies -- large and small -- do the same for their workers, but as one of the nation's oldest and largest employers, Sears gets the publicity for setting a prominent example.
Additional information:
List of companies who go beyond their legal responsibilities in supporting employees deployed as reservists:
~From the email bag
Claim: Sears pays the difference in salaries and maintains benefits for their called-up reservist employees.
Status: True.
I HOPE you have all seen the reports about how Sears is treating its reservist employees who are called up? By law, they are required to hold their jobs open and available, but nothing more. Usually, people take a big pay cut and lose benefits as a result of being called up.
Sears is voluntarily paying the difference in salaries and maintaining all benefits, including medical insurance and bonus programs, for all called up reservist employees for up to two years. I submit that Sears is an exemplary corporate citizen and should be recognized for its contribution.
I suggest we all shop at Sears, and be sure to find a manager to tell them why we are there so the company gets the positive reinforcement it well deserves.
Pass it on.
Origins: Although many employers look favorably on military service and even encourage it, there are some who find it burdensome to have an employee who spends time away from the job. Military reservists pose a particular challenge to employers because they're subject to recall to active duty at any time -- call-ups to active service during times of war may not occur often, but active duty recalls can occur even during peacetime, and nearly every reservist has to take occasional leave from his regular job for monthly drills and annual training.
In order to provide a measure of employment security to reservists subject to active duty recall and minimize the disadvantages that occur when reservists need to be absent from their civilian employment to serve in the uniformed services, the United States enacted the Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA) in 1994. Codified in Chapter 43, Part III, Title 38 of the United States Code, this act mandates that "any person whose absence from a position of employment is necessitated by reason of service in the uniformed services shall be entitled to reemployment rights and benefits."
Of course, reservists give up more than just their jobs when they're called up for active duty. Although the law may require that their former positions be waiting for them when they return, many reservists still have to deal with the financial hardships of the difference in pay between their civilian jobs and their military positions; as well, other job benefits they may lose out on while on active duty (such as medical insurance coverage or participation in employer bonus plans) are not guaranteed to them. Some employers voluntarily go the extra mile for their reservist employees, making up the difference between their regular pay and their military pay while they're on active duty and ensuring that all employer-sponsored benefits associated with their jobs remain in force.
Sears is indeed one of the employers who take additional steps to show support for employees involved in serving their country by guaranteeing the continuance of their civilian pay and benefits. Many other companies -- large and small -- do the same for their workers, but as one of the nation's oldest and largest employers, Sears gets the publicity for setting a prominent example.
Additional information:
List of companies who go beyond their legal responsibilities in supporting employees deployed as reservists:
~From the email bag
Monday, December 1
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS VALUABLE (USELESS) INFORMATION BEFORE
1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
7. A 2x4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.
8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily world wide!
10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
14. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before.
15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
23. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
25. For fun, Charlie Chaplin once entered anonymously a "Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest", and won third prize.
26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".
28. An old law in Bellingham,Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them.
32. In the movie Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again Sam".
What he said was "If you can play it for her you can play it for me, so play it".
33. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
34. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
35. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
36. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
37. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
38. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
39. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
40. Horses can't vomit.
41. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
42. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
43. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
44. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
45. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for US citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
46. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
47. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
48. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
49. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. and lastly...
50. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
~from the email bag
1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.
3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
7. A 2x4 is really 1-1/2 by 3-1/2.
8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur", a small red car can be seen in the distance.
9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily world wide!
10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
14. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before.
15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".
19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.
20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.
23. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
25. For fun, Charlie Chaplin once entered anonymously a "Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest", and won third prize.
26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".
28. An old law in Bellingham,Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.
30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages them.
32. In the movie Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart never said "Play it again Sam".
What he said was "If you can play it for her you can play it for me, so play it".
33. It is impossible to lick your elbow.
34. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
35. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
36. In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand.
37. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
38. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
39. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
40. Horses can't vomit.
41. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
42. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.
43. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
44. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
45. If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for US citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
46. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
47. 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.
48. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
49. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. and lastly...
50. Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
~from the email bag
My pal 'Red' suggests that if you're planning to travel for the Holidays, carefully watch what you say when you're away from home!
Things Not To Say In Foreign Lands:
IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”
FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”
ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”
POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”
GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”
TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”
KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”
CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”
ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”
SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”
YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”
INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”
ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”
CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”
SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”
SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”
MEXICO
“What's that smell?”
SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”
GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."
AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”
JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”
AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”
(talk about politically incorrect!)
~from the email bag
Things Not To Say In Foreign Lands:
IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”
FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”
ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”
POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”
GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”
TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”
KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”
CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”
ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”
SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”
YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”
INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”
ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”
CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”
SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”
SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”
MEXICO
“What's that smell?”
SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”
GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."
AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”
JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”
AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”
(talk about politically incorrect!)
~from the email bag
Monday, November 10
THANKS, AGAIN, HAROLD!
Something to think about. I'm not sure that will ever take place here in the good ol U.S. of A., because there will be at least three guns that will not be turned over peacefully, and those are mine.
What a great history lesson. I suspect that NRA had something to do with the in depth history on this, i hope so anyway.
I hope this may be of interest to you.
Subject: Gun control
In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
---------------------------------------
In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
----------------------------------------
Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.
---------------------------------------
China established gun control in 1935. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
---------------------------------------
Guatemala established gun control in 1964. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
--------------------------------------
Uganda established gun control in 1970. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
--------------------------------------
Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one million 'educated' people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
--------------------------------------
Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control:
56 million.
---------------------------------------
It has now been 12 months since gun owners in Australia were forced by a new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by their own government, a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million dollars.
The first year results are now in: Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44 percent!) In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up 300 percent. (Note that while the law-abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not, and criminals still possess their guns!)
While figures over the previous 25 years showed a steady decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed drastically upward in the past 12 months, since the criminals now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed. There has also been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the ELDERLY. Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how public safety has decreased, after such monumental effort and expense was expended in "successfully ridding Australian society of guns."
---------------------------------------
The Australian experience and the other historical facts above prove it.
---------------------------------------
You won't see this data on the American evening news or hear our politicians disseminating this information.
--------------------------------------
Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws affect only the law-abiding citizens.
---------------------------------------
Take note my fellow Americans... before it's too late!
---------------------------------------
The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson.
---------------------------------------
With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects!
---------------------------------------
If you value your freedom, please spread this anti-gun control message to all of your friends.
---------------------------------------
~from the email bag
Something to think about. I'm not sure that will ever take place here in the good ol U.S. of A., because there will be at least three guns that will not be turned over peacefully, and those are mine.
What a great history lesson. I suspect that NRA had something to do with the in depth history on this, i hope so anyway.
I hope this may be of interest to you.
Subject: Gun control
In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control. From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
---------------------------------------
In 1911, Turkey established gun control. From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
----------------------------------------
Germany established gun control in 1938 and from 1939 to 1945, 13 million Jews and others who were unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.
---------------------------------------
China established gun control in 1935. From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
---------------------------------------
Guatemala established gun control in 1964. From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
--------------------------------------
Uganda established gun control in 1970. From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
--------------------------------------
Cambodia established gun control in 1956. From 1975 to 1977, one million 'educated' people, unable to defend themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.
--------------------------------------
Defenseless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control:
56 million.
---------------------------------------
It has now been 12 months since gun owners in Australia were forced by a new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by their own government, a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million dollars.
The first year results are now in: Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44 percent!) In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up 300 percent. (Note that while the law-abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not, and criminals still possess their guns!)
While figures over the previous 25 years showed a steady decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed drastically upward in the past 12 months, since the criminals now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed. There has also been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the ELDERLY. Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how public safety has decreased, after such monumental effort and expense was expended in "successfully ridding Australian society of guns."
---------------------------------------
The Australian experience and the other historical facts above prove it.
---------------------------------------
You won't see this data on the American evening news or hear our politicians disseminating this information.
--------------------------------------
Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws affect only the law-abiding citizens.
---------------------------------------
Take note my fellow Americans... before it's too late!
---------------------------------------
The next time someone talks in favor of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson.
---------------------------------------
With guns, we are citizens. Without them, we are subjects!
---------------------------------------
If you value your freedom, please spread this anti-gun control message to all of your friends.
---------------------------------------
~from the email bag
Friday, November 7
I want to thank Harold for this one, It's worth sharing with everyone, please feel free to copy it and pass it along.
Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? Recently, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's sub-committee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:
"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.
"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.
"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.
"I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy-it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves.
"I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today:
Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!
"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, soul, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educationa l systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs - politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws.
"Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. Political posturing and restrictive legislation are not the answers. The young people of our nation hold the key. There is a spiritual awakening taking place that will not be squelched! We do not need more religion. We do not need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage. We do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people with basic needs are being ignored. We DO need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God!
"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes-He did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America, and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA - I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"
~from the email bag
Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? Recently, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton, Colorado, was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's sub-committee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful. They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:
"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.
"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.
"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.
"I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy-it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves.
"I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today:
Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!
"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, soul, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educationa l systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs - politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws.
"Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts. Political posturing and restrictive legislation are not the answers. The young people of our nation hold the key. There is a spiritual awakening taking place that will not be squelched! We do not need more religion. We do not need more gaudy television evangelists spewing out verbal religious garbage. We do not need more million dollar church buildings built while people with basic needs are being ignored. We DO need a change of heart and a humble acknowledgment that this nation was founded on the principle of simple trust in God!
"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes-He did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America, and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA - I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your own heart before casting the first stone! My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"
~from the email bag
Laura dropped this into my email today, and I just had to grant her wish and pass it on!
A big hug and smooch for all the Vets in my life. Thanks for helping to make my life easier and worthwhile!
It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN, not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN,
who salutes the Flag,
who serves under the Flag,
ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD,
AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.
I don't know if you saw this in the news but it really impressed me. Funny, our US Senate/House took 2 days off as they couldn't work.
On the ABC evening news, it was reported tonight that, because of the dangers from Hurricane Isabelle approaching Washington DC, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment.
They refused. "No way, Sir!"
Soaked to the skin, marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a service person.
The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930.
I don't usually suggest that many emails be forwarded, but I'd be DAMN proud if this one reached as many as possible.
We can be very proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.
God Bless them.
A big hug and smooch for all the Vets in my life. Thanks for helping to make my life easier and worthwhile!
It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN, not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN,
who salutes the Flag,
who serves under the Flag,
ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD,
AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.
I don't know if you saw this in the news but it really impressed me. Funny, our US Senate/House took 2 days off as they couldn't work.
On the ABC evening news, it was reported tonight that, because of the dangers from Hurricane Isabelle approaching Washington DC, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment.
They refused. "No way, Sir!"
Soaked to the skin, marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a service person.
The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930.
I don't usually suggest that many emails be forwarded, but I'd be DAMN proud if this one reached as many as possible.
We can be very proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.
God Bless them.
Wednesday, November 5
Andy Rooney, Hooray !!
This actually happened !! Andy Rooney said on 60 minutes a few weeks back:
I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!
I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.
I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"
"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.
And if you don't like my point of view, tough. DON'T PASS IT ON!!
~from the email bag
This actually happened !! Andy Rooney said on 60 minutes a few weeks back:
I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!
I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.
I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretations.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say "NO!"
"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me french fries!
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.
And if you don't like my point of view, tough. DON'T PASS IT ON!!
~from the email bag
I wonder if this isn't another 'Urban Legend', but I kinda like to think it really happened!
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and! reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
~Out of the email bag
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and! reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.
The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
~Out of the email bag
Thursday, October 30
Just in time for the Festivities!!
Fun With Trick-or-Treaters
When trick-or-treaters come to your door door, jump out wearing a costume and holding a bag and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and newspapers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously and say, "It's about time you got here." Give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, have everyone yell, "Surprise!," like it's a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to look and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your doorbell.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the beverage list.
Answer the door with a mouthful of M&Ms and a handfuls of half-eaten candy bars. Act surprised and close the door. Open it again and insist you don't have any candy.
Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
Have Fun!
Fun With Trick-or-Treaters
When trick-or-treaters come to your door door, jump out wearing a costume and holding a bag and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and newspapers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously and say, "It's about time you got here." Give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, have everyone yell, "Surprise!," like it's a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to look and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your doorbell.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the beverage list.
Answer the door with a mouthful of M&Ms and a handfuls of half-eaten candy bars. Act surprised and close the door. Open it again and insist you don't have any candy.
Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
Have Fun!
Wednesday, September 24
They pray in Congress and the Senate, don't they?
Subject: The New School Prayer
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
~from the email bag
Subject: The New School Prayer
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
~from the email bag
Saturday, September 20
Some of my favorites made the List, I'm so excited!
The Top 17 Bumper Stickers For 2003
17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.
16. Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
15. The proctologist called...they found your head.
14. Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film.
13. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
12. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
11. I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
10. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
9. Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
8. Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody, But Me."
7. Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends..
6. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
5. If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
4. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
3. Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
2. Hang up and drive!
AND THE NUMBER ONE BUMPER STICKER FOR 2003!
1. Welcome to America ... Now speak English!
Out of the email bag~
The Top 17 Bumper Stickers For 2003
17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.
16. Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
15. The proctologist called...they found your head.
14. Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film.
13. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
12. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
11. I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
10. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
9. Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
8. Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody, But Me."
7. Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends..
6. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
5. If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
4. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
3. Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
2. Hang up and drive!
AND THE NUMBER ONE BUMPER STICKER FOR 2003!
1. Welcome to America ... Now speak English!
Out of the email bag~
Friday, September 19
A timely message from my email bag~
26 Beautiful One-liners
1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12. When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.
What we do in life echoes in eternity....
26 Beautiful One-liners
1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12. When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.
What we do in life echoes in eternity....
Thursday, September 18
Tongue in Cheek?
Subject: Wrod oredr
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer
in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
~from the email bag
Subject: Wrod oredr
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer
in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
~from the email bag
Tuesday, September 16
Sometimes, we get tired of being "Graceful under Pressure". Here a few sentiments to relieve a little steam. Breathing deeply really helps, too!
29 things to say when you're stressed
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy.. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full.. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
out of the email bag~
29 things to say when you're stressed
1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
2. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
4. Well, aren't we a damn ray of sunshine?
5. Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a people person?
7. This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
10. Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
11. I'm not crazy.. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
14. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet.
16. Back off!! You're standing in my aura.
17. Don't worry. I forgot your name too.
18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
20. Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
21. Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.
22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
23. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
24. Earth is full.. Go home.
25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
26. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
27. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
out of the email bag~
Saturday, September 6
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
From an Email I recently received~
Subject: Playing With Words
1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man, who fell into an upholstery machine, is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller, who escaped from prison, was a small medium at large.
23. Those, who get too big for their britches, will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
25. Those, who jump off a Paris bridge, are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
From an Email I recently received~
Subject: Playing With Words
1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man, who fell into an upholstery machine, is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller, who escaped from prison, was a small medium at large.
23. Those, who get too big for their britches, will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
25. Those, who jump off a Paris bridge, are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Thursday, August 28
From an email I received, an apparent clipping from a periodical stating that:
Working with idiots can kill you!
Idiots in the office are just as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine or greasy food, an eye-opening new study reveals.
In fact, those dopes can kill you! Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks ~ and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to researchers at Sweden's Lindbergh University Medical Centre.
The author of the study, Dr Dagmar Andersson, says her team studied 500 heart attack patients, and were puzzled to find 62 percent had relatively few of the physical risk factors commonly blamed for heart attacks.
"Then we questioned them about lifestyle habits, and almost all of these low-risk patients told us they worked with people so stupid they can barely find their way from the parking lot to their office. And their heart attack came less than 12 hours after having a major confrontation with one of these oafs.
"One woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid - for her computer monitor.
"You can cut back on smoking or improve your diet," Dr. Andersson says, "but most people have very poor coping skills when it comes to stupidity - they feel there's nothing they can do about it, so they just internalise their frustration until they finally explode."
Stupid co-workers can also double or triple someone's work load, she explains. "Many of our subjects feel sorry for the drooling idiots they work with, so they try to cover for them by fixing their mistakes. One poor woman spent a week rebuilding client records because a clerk put them all in the 'recycle bin' of her computer and then emptied it - she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again."
~Verifyable or not, I have suspected this all along!!
Working with idiots can kill you!
Idiots in the office are just as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine or greasy food, an eye-opening new study reveals.
In fact, those dopes can kill you! Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks ~ and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to researchers at Sweden's Lindbergh University Medical Centre.
The author of the study, Dr Dagmar Andersson, says her team studied 500 heart attack patients, and were puzzled to find 62 percent had relatively few of the physical risk factors commonly blamed for heart attacks.
"Then we questioned them about lifestyle habits, and almost all of these low-risk patients told us they worked with people so stupid they can barely find their way from the parking lot to their office. And their heart attack came less than 12 hours after having a major confrontation with one of these oafs.
"One woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid - for her computer monitor.
"You can cut back on smoking or improve your diet," Dr. Andersson says, "but most people have very poor coping skills when it comes to stupidity - they feel there's nothing they can do about it, so they just internalise their frustration until they finally explode."
Stupid co-workers can also double or triple someone's work load, she explains. "Many of our subjects feel sorry for the drooling idiots they work with, so they try to cover for them by fixing their mistakes. One poor woman spent a week rebuilding client records because a clerk put them all in the 'recycle bin' of her computer and then emptied it - she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again."
~Verifyable or not, I have suspected this all along!!
Wednesday, August 27
Remember the guy who got on a plane with a bomb built into his shoe and tried to light it? His trial is over. How much of this Judge's comments did you hear on TV? Everyone should hear what the judge had to say.
U.S. District Court Judge William Young made the following statement in sentencing "shoe bomber" Richard Reid to prison. It is noteworthy, and deserves to be remembered far longer than he predicts.
Ruling by Judge William Young
January 30, 2003 United States vs. Reid.
Judge Young: Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon you. On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the custody of the United States Attorney General. On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutive with the other. That's 80 years. On count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years consecutive to the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon you each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 for the aggregate fine of $2 million. The Court accepts the government's recommendation with respect to restitution and orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American Airlines. The Court imposes upon you the $800 special assessment. The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need go no further. This is the sentence that is provided for by our statutes. It is a fair and just sentence. It is a righteous sentence. Let me explain this to you.
We are not afraid of any of your terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid. We are Americans. We have been through the fire before. There is all too much war talk here. And I say that to everyone with the utmost respect. Here in this court, where we deal with individuals as individuals, and care for individuals as individuals, as human beings we reach out for justice, you are not an enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you that reference, to call you a soldier gives you far too much stature. Whether it is the officers of government who do it or your attorney who does it, or that happens to be your view, you are a terrorist. And we do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not treat with terrorists. We do not sign documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice. So war talk is way out of line in this court. You are a big fellow. But you are not that big. You're no warrior. I know warriors. You are a terrorist. A species of criminal guilty of multiple attempted murders. In a very real sense Trooper Santigo had it right when you first were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press and where the TV crews were and he said you're no big deal. You're no big deal. What your counsel, what your able counsel and what the equally able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have as honestly as I know how tried to grapple with, is why you did something so horrific. What was it that led you here to this courtroom today? I have listened respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are guilty of doing. And I have an answer for you. It may not satisfy you. But as I search this entire record it comes as close to understanding as I know. It seems to me you hate the one thing that is most precious. You hate our freedom. Our individual freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we individually choose. Here, in this society, the very winds carry freedom. They carry it everywhere from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize individual freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom. So that everyone can see, truly see that justice is administered fairly, individually, and discretely. It is for freedom's sake that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on your behalf and have filed appeals, will go on in their, their representation of you before other judges. We are about it. Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own liberties. Make no mistake though. It is yet true that we will bear any burden; pay any price, to preserve our freedoms. Look around this courtroom. Mark it well. The world is not going to long remember what you or what I say here. Day after tomorrow it will be forgotten. But this, however, will long endure. Here in this courtroom and courtrooms all across America, the American people will gather to see that justice, individual justice, justice, not war, individual justice is in fact being done. The very President of the United States through his officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be judged, and juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice. See that flag, Mr. Reid? That's the flag of the United States of America. That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag stands for freedom. You know it always will. Custody Mr. Officer. Stand him down.
How much of this Judge's comments did you hear on our TV sets? Please pass this around. Everyone needs to hear what the judge had to say.
U.S. District Court Judge William Young made the following statement in sentencing "shoe bomber" Richard Reid to prison. It is noteworthy, and deserves to be remembered far longer than he predicts.
Ruling by Judge William Young
January 30, 2003 United States vs. Reid.
Judge Young: Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon you. On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the custody of the United States Attorney General. On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutive with the other. That's 80 years. On count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years consecutive to the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon you each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 for the aggregate fine of $2 million. The Court accepts the government's recommendation with respect to restitution and orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American Airlines. The Court imposes upon you the $800 special assessment. The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need go no further. This is the sentence that is provided for by our statutes. It is a fair and just sentence. It is a righteous sentence. Let me explain this to you.
We are not afraid of any of your terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid. We are Americans. We have been through the fire before. There is all too much war talk here. And I say that to everyone with the utmost respect. Here in this court, where we deal with individuals as individuals, and care for individuals as individuals, as human beings we reach out for justice, you are not an enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you that reference, to call you a soldier gives you far too much stature. Whether it is the officers of government who do it or your attorney who does it, or that happens to be your view, you are a terrorist. And we do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not treat with terrorists. We do not sign documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice. So war talk is way out of line in this court. You are a big fellow. But you are not that big. You're no warrior. I know warriors. You are a terrorist. A species of criminal guilty of multiple attempted murders. In a very real sense Trooper Santigo had it right when you first were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press and where the TV crews were and he said you're no big deal. You're no big deal. What your counsel, what your able counsel and what the equally able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have as honestly as I know how tried to grapple with, is why you did something so horrific. What was it that led you here to this courtroom today? I have listened respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are guilty of doing. And I have an answer for you. It may not satisfy you. But as I search this entire record it comes as close to understanding as I know. It seems to me you hate the one thing that is most precious. You hate our freedom. Our individual freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we individually choose. Here, in this society, the very winds carry freedom. They carry it everywhere from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize individual freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom. So that everyone can see, truly see that justice is administered fairly, individually, and discretely. It is for freedom's sake that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on your behalf and have filed appeals, will go on in their, their representation of you before other judges. We are about it. Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own liberties. Make no mistake though. It is yet true that we will bear any burden; pay any price, to preserve our freedoms. Look around this courtroom. Mark it well. The world is not going to long remember what you or what I say here. Day after tomorrow it will be forgotten. But this, however, will long endure. Here in this courtroom and courtrooms all across America, the American people will gather to see that justice, individual justice, justice, not war, individual justice is in fact being done. The very President of the United States through his officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be judged, and juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice. See that flag, Mr. Reid? That's the flag of the United States of America. That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag stands for freedom. You know it always will. Custody Mr. Officer. Stand him down.
How much of this Judge's comments did you hear on our TV sets? Please pass this around. Everyone needs to hear what the judge had to say.
Tuesday, April 29
Hollywood Celebrities
There is little I find more disgusting than Liberal Hollywood Celebrities.
These 'actors', make a living, and a damn good living, out of nothing more than reading someone else's words.
Let's not forget it was an 'actor' who killed Abraham Lincoln.
If it was remotely about 'principals' then I would be able to look back to 1997 when then President Clinton launched a PRE-EMPTIVE and FIRST STRIKE of cruise missiles into Iraq, and find all the same Hollywood liberals protesting Clinton's actions.
Did they?
Nope. Not a word.
When Clinton called Saddam an evil, brutal dictator and possessing weapons of mass destruction, did ANYONE in Hollywood stand up?
Did Ed Harris, Mike Farell, Susan Sarandon, Danny Glover, Martin Sheen, George Clooney, Julia Roberts or Sean Penn call Clinton the same offensive and disrespectful personal names they find so acceptable to call George Bush??
No.
Why?
Because these liberal Hollywood celebrities are not principled.
They have no character.
They couldn't spell 'morals' if you spotted them 5 letters.
They have compromised every aspect of their honor.
They are nothing more than left-wing, liberal, political hacks.
Respect is earned, and not one of these anti-American 'actors' have earned my respect.
It will be a cold day in hell before I spend $9-$12 to go to a movie with these anti Americans in it.
Ever notice how most of their time is spent attending and patting themselves on the back at award shows?
There are the Oscars, Tony's, MTV, VH1, Caan Film Festival, Golden Globes, Peoples Choice, etc...etc....
There is an award show almost every week for themselves.
Maximus Desmus Meridus (The Gladiator) said it best:
"The time for honoring yourself will soon be at an end."
~SHAMAN~
Thursday, April 17
Lori Ann Piestewa: Honorable hero
Posted: April 11, 2003 - 10:49am EST
by: Suzan Shown Harjo / Columnist / Indian Country Today
Lori Ann Piestewa deserves all the tributes that will come her way. She will always be a young mother to her two children, now three and four years old.
She will always be a Hopi woman who left Tuba City as a soldier and returned home to the mesa as the blessing snow.
In her brief 23 years, she garnered more distinctions than most people do in triple her lifespan.
Army Pfc. Piestewa was the first American servicewoman killed in action in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
She was the first Hopi woman and the first Native American woman to die in combat in the service of the United States.
The war had lasted only four days when her 507th Ordinance Maintenance Company was ambushed on March 23 in southwestern Iraq.
She and other comrades were missing in action for 10 days, until Special Operations commandos uncovered their bodies in shallow graves at Saddam Hussein Hospital in An Nasiriyah as they rescued her roommate, Pfc. Jessica Lynch.
Piestewa will be honored on Memorial Day as rose petals are placed in the reflecting pool of the Women in Military Service for America Memorial at Arlington National Cemetery.
It is a gentle tribute, fitting for a soldier from a tradition of peace. The Hopi are the Hopituh Shinumu, Peaceful People.
It is a fitting way to honor a person whose very name comes from water.
In the Hopi language, the root of Piestewa means water pooled on the desert by a hard rain. Hopis interpret her name as the People Who Live by the Water and as the Ceremonies at the Springs.
It is a good way to remember one who is with the Cloud People, those who bring the blessing rain.
It is a respectful way to acknowledge a person who practiced Hopi ways. The Hopi religion is well known and appreciated in the desert southwest for its Rain Dance, a ceremonial tradition of praying for rain.
It is right to commemorate her as a warrior. She comes from a long line of warriors.
Her father served in Vietnam, her grandfather in World War II.
Hopi code-talkers, like interpreters from many Native nations, distinguished themselves in World War II by sending secret messages in their language and gaining strategic advantages in battle.
In honoring Piestewa, all the code-talkers are honored. A tribute to her is a tribute to the 45 Hopi and 12,000 other Native women and men now in the U.S. armed services.
Honoring Piestewa also honors those warriors of the past, the ones who protected the traditional ways for the Native Americans of today.
One of those warriors was Qotsyawma, a Paa’is (Water) clan ancestor of Piestewa.
Over a century ago, Qotsyawma and other Hopi parents refused to let federal Indian agents take their children to be "civilized" in boarding school, where they would be stripped of their religion, language and family ties. Qotsyawma and 18 other Hopi men were imprisoned on Alcatraz Island for six months in 1895 for the crimes of being "hostiles" and "ringleaders" and "anti-progressive in nature."
Despite the valiant resistance of their families, generations of Hopi children were subjected to corporal punishment and forced to learn different customs, but the result was not the intended one. Most Hopis did not abandon their old ways; rather, they incorporated the new ways into their ancient traditions.
Eventually, almost all of the federal Indian boarding schools were closed and their abusive methods were exposed and discredited.
For Piestewa, this meant that she was not forced to give up her Hopi ways - she took part in both Hopi and Catholic ceremonies - and could pursue activities of her choice: she played softball and was the ROTC commander.
The Arizona Republic is advocating another honor for Piestewa. The newspaper takes the editorial position that the mountain in the middle of Phoenix should be named Piestewa Peak.
It is a fitting tribute because Arizona is her home - near the Grand Canyon and the Painted Desert, in the red rocks country on the Navajo side of the border between the Hopi and Navajo reservations. Native nations own one-fifth of the land in the state. All would be honored through her.
Piestewa Peak would honor all veterans.
Piestewa Peak would honor all women.
Piestewa Peak would end the shameful practice of calling the mountain Squaw Peak.
The name comes from a word in certain Native languages in the northeast U.S. that means a woman’s private parts. The word is not vulgar unless it is used to refer to a Native woman or a whole person of any kind. It is not a proper name for a person or a place.
Renaming the mountain for the Hopi mother and hero should be done.
She was a strong woman and deserves a strong symbol. What better monument than a mountain.
If current federal rules need to be tweaked, Sen. John McCain and Rep. J.D. Hayworth are ideally suited to get the job done, as representatives of Arizona and in their positions in Congress on the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs and Native American Caucus.
Piestewa Peak is honorable and elegant.
Suzan Shown Harjo, Cheyenne and Hodulgee Muscogee, is president of the Morning Star Institute in Washington, D.C., and a columnist for Indian Country Today.
Posted: April 11, 2003 - 10:49am EST
by: Suzan Shown Harjo / Columnist / Indian Country Today
Lori Ann Piestewa deserves all the tributes that will come her way. She will always be a young mother to her two children, now three and four years old.
She will always be a Hopi woman who left Tuba City as a soldier and returned home to the mesa as the blessing snow.
In her brief 23 years, she garnered more distinctions than most people do in triple her lifespan.
Army Pfc. Piestewa was the first American servicewoman killed in action in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
She was the first Hopi woman and the first Native American woman to die in combat in the service of the United States.
The war had lasted only four days when her 507th Ordinance Maintenance Company was ambushed on March 23 in southwestern Iraq.
She and other comrades were missing in action for 10 days, until Special Operations commandos uncovered their bodies in shallow graves at Saddam Hussein Hospital in An Nasiriyah as they rescued her roommate, Pfc. Jessica Lynch.
Piestewa will be honored on Memorial Day as rose petals are placed in the reflecting pool of the Women in Military Service for America Memorial at Arlington National Cemetery.
It is a gentle tribute, fitting for a soldier from a tradition of peace. The Hopi are the Hopituh Shinumu, Peaceful People.
It is a fitting way to honor a person whose very name comes from water.
In the Hopi language, the root of Piestewa means water pooled on the desert by a hard rain. Hopis interpret her name as the People Who Live by the Water and as the Ceremonies at the Springs.
It is a good way to remember one who is with the Cloud People, those who bring the blessing rain.
It is a respectful way to acknowledge a person who practiced Hopi ways. The Hopi religion is well known and appreciated in the desert southwest for its Rain Dance, a ceremonial tradition of praying for rain.
It is right to commemorate her as a warrior. She comes from a long line of warriors.
Her father served in Vietnam, her grandfather in World War II.
Hopi code-talkers, like interpreters from many Native nations, distinguished themselves in World War II by sending secret messages in their language and gaining strategic advantages in battle.
In honoring Piestewa, all the code-talkers are honored. A tribute to her is a tribute to the 45 Hopi and 12,000 other Native women and men now in the U.S. armed services.
Honoring Piestewa also honors those warriors of the past, the ones who protected the traditional ways for the Native Americans of today.
One of those warriors was Qotsyawma, a Paa’is (Water) clan ancestor of Piestewa.
Over a century ago, Qotsyawma and other Hopi parents refused to let federal Indian agents take their children to be "civilized" in boarding school, where they would be stripped of their religion, language and family ties. Qotsyawma and 18 other Hopi men were imprisoned on Alcatraz Island for six months in 1895 for the crimes of being "hostiles" and "ringleaders" and "anti-progressive in nature."
Despite the valiant resistance of their families, generations of Hopi children were subjected to corporal punishment and forced to learn different customs, but the result was not the intended one. Most Hopis did not abandon their old ways; rather, they incorporated the new ways into their ancient traditions.
Eventually, almost all of the federal Indian boarding schools were closed and their abusive methods were exposed and discredited.
For Piestewa, this meant that she was not forced to give up her Hopi ways - she took part in both Hopi and Catholic ceremonies - and could pursue activities of her choice: she played softball and was the ROTC commander.
The Arizona Republic is advocating another honor for Piestewa. The newspaper takes the editorial position that the mountain in the middle of Phoenix should be named Piestewa Peak.
It is a fitting tribute because Arizona is her home - near the Grand Canyon and the Painted Desert, in the red rocks country on the Navajo side of the border between the Hopi and Navajo reservations. Native nations own one-fifth of the land in the state. All would be honored through her.
Piestewa Peak would honor all veterans.
Piestewa Peak would honor all women.
Piestewa Peak would end the shameful practice of calling the mountain Squaw Peak.
The name comes from a word in certain Native languages in the northeast U.S. that means a woman’s private parts. The word is not vulgar unless it is used to refer to a Native woman or a whole person of any kind. It is not a proper name for a person or a place.
Renaming the mountain for the Hopi mother and hero should be done.
She was a strong woman and deserves a strong symbol. What better monument than a mountain.
If current federal rules need to be tweaked, Sen. John McCain and Rep. J.D. Hayworth are ideally suited to get the job done, as representatives of Arizona and in their positions in Congress on the Senate Committee on Indian Affairs and Native American Caucus.
Piestewa Peak is honorable and elegant.
Suzan Shown Harjo, Cheyenne and Hodulgee Muscogee, is president of the Morning Star Institute in Washington, D.C., and a columnist for Indian Country Today.
Monday, March 31
To the Family of Brian Buesing
The average age of the military man is 19 years.
He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country.
He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father’s; but he has never collected unemployment either.
He’s a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities. Drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.
He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155 mm Howitzers. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.
He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.
He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.
He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional.
He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march.
He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity.
He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry.
He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.
He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.
If you’re thirsty, he’ll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food.
He’ll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.
He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime.
He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them.
He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.
He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to ‘square-away’ those around him who haven’t bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.
Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.
Beardless or not, he is not “just” a boy.
He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.
He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.
Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.
~Cedar Key Beacon, March 27, 2003
The average age of the military man is 19 years.
He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country.
He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father’s; but he has never collected unemployment either.
He’s a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities. Drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.
He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155 mm Howitzers. He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.
He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.
He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.
He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional.
He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march.
He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity.
He is self-sufficient. He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other. He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry.
He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.
He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.
If you’re thirsty, he’ll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food.
He’ll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.
He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands. He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.
He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all. He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime.
He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them.
He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.
He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to ‘square-away’ those around him who haven’t bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking. In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.
Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.
Beardless or not, he is not “just” a boy.
He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.
He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.
Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.
~Cedar Key Beacon, March 27, 2003
This is my contribution to the unabashed bashing of France!
"My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is the one that
says 'First Iraq, then France".
Tom Brokaw
"The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from
Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler from France."
Jay Leno
"France said this week they need more evidence to convince them Saddam is
a threat. Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence it came rollin
thru Paris with a German Flag on it."
Dave Letterman
Why are all the highways in France lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade!!!
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an
accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
~ Unknown
"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable
because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because
they live in France."
Mark Twain
"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
Ted Nugent
The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found
truffles in Iraq.
War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II
Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army
Q. How do you stop a french Tank?
A. Shoot the guy pushing.
Q. how many frenchman does it take to defend Paris.
A. We don't know, it's never been tried.
"We can count on the French to be there when they need us."
"My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is the one that
says 'First Iraq, then France".
Tom Brokaw
"The French announced today that they would not help us remove Saddam from
Iraq. Well Duh! They didn't even help us remove Hitler from France."
Jay Leno
"France said this week they need more evidence to convince them Saddam is
a threat. Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence it came rollin
thru Paris with a German Flag on it."
Dave Letterman
Why are all the highways in France lined with trees?
So the Germans can march in the shade!!!
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an
accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."
~ Unknown
"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. France is miserable
because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because
they live in France."
Mark Twain
"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
Ted Nugent
The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found
truffles in Iraq.
War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II
Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army
Q. How do you stop a french Tank?
A. Shoot the guy pushing.
Q. how many frenchman does it take to defend Paris.
A. We don't know, it's never been tried.
"We can count on the French to be there when they need us."
Wednesday, March 12
Wednesday, March 5
A powerful message from one European who has not forgotten!
No matter what your views on President Bush's statement of upcoming war, this, from an English journalist, is very interesting. For those of you who aren't familiar with the UK's Daily Mirror, this is a notoriously left-wing daily that is normally not supportive of the Colonials across the Atlantic.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tony Parsons Daily Mirror September 11, 2002
One year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of broadcasting – the mass murder of thousands, live on television. As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol Pot's Mountain of Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration camps.
An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on one thing - nobody deserves this fate. Surely there could be consensus: The victims were truly innocent, the perpetrators truly evil.
But to the world's eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly seen as America's comeuppance. Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased over the last year. There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in this country; too loud, too rich, too full of themselves, and so much happier than Europeans - but it has become an epidemic. And it seems incredible to me.
More than that, it turns my stomach.
America is this country's greatest friend and our staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture, language and blood. A little over half a century ago, around half a million Americans died for our freedoms, as well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon?
And exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women and children – not just Americans, but from dozens of countries, were butchered by a small group of religious fanatics. Are we so quick to betray them?
What touched the heart about those who died in the Twin Towers and on the planes, was that we recognized them? Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and somebody's daughter, husbands, wives, and children, some unborn. And these people brought it on themselves? Their nation is to blame for their meticulously planned slaughter?
These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America as the Great Satan. The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission.
The truth is that America has behaved with enormous restraint since September 11.
Remember, remember -
Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive.
Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers.
Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive.
Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mum.
Remember, remember -
And realize that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have.
So a few Al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex...
So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti.
AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world into a parking lot. That it didn't is a sign of strength. American voices are already being raised against attacking Iraq - that's what a democracy is for.
How many in the Islamic world will have a minute's silence for the slaughtered innocents of 9/11?
How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of 9/11 was an abomination?
When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in the street. America watched all of that –and didn't push the button. We should thank the stars that America is the most powerful nation in the world. I still find it incredible that 9/11 did not provoke all-out war. Not a "war on terrorism." A real war.
The fundamentalist dudes are talking about "opening the gates of hell," if America attacks Iraq. Well, America could have opened the gates of hell like you wouldn't believe.
The US is the most militarily powerful nation that ever strode the face of the earth. The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and the planned war on Iraq may be misconceived. But don't blame America for not bringing peace and light to these wretched countries. How many democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the Muslim world? You can count them on the fingers of one hand - assuming you haven't had any chopped off for minor shoplifting.
I love America, yet America is hated. I guess that makes me Bush's poodle.
But I would rather be a dog in New York City than a Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, and optimistic. Not ground down by the past, or religion, or some caste system. America is the best friend this country ever had and we should start remembering that.
Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil?
Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers.
Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper.
And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department.
To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein. Once we were told that Saddam gassed the Kurds, tortured his own people and set up rape-camps in Kuwait. Now we are told he likes Quality Street. Save me the orange center, Oh Mighty One!
Remember, remember, September 11 - One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America.
No, do more than remember. Never forget.
No matter what your views on President Bush's statement of upcoming war, this, from an English journalist, is very interesting. For those of you who aren't familiar with the UK's Daily Mirror, this is a notoriously left-wing daily that is normally not supportive of the Colonials across the Atlantic.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tony Parsons Daily Mirror September 11, 2002
One year ago, the world witnessed a unique kind of broadcasting – the mass murder of thousands, live on television. As a lesson in the pitiless cruelty of the human race, September 11 was up there with Pol Pot's Mountain of Skulls in Cambodia, or the skeletal bodies stacked like garbage in the Nazi concentration camps.
An unspeakable act so cruel, so calculated and so utterly merciless that surely the world could agree on one thing - nobody deserves this fate. Surely there could be consensus: The victims were truly innocent, the perpetrators truly evil.
But to the world's eternal shame, 9/11 is increasingly seen as America's comeuppance. Incredibly, anti-Americanism has increased over the last year. There has always been a simmering resentment to the USA in this country; too loud, too rich, too full of themselves, and so much happier than Europeans - but it has become an epidemic. And it seems incredible to me.
More than that, it turns my stomach.
America is this country's greatest friend and our staunchest ally. We are bonded to the US by culture, language and blood. A little over half a century ago, around half a million Americans died for our freedoms, as well as their own. Have we forgotten so soon?
And exactly a year ago, thousands of ordinary men, women and children – not just Americans, but from dozens of countries, were butchered by a small group of religious fanatics. Are we so quick to betray them?
What touched the heart about those who died in the Twin Towers and on the planes, was that we recognized them? Young fathers and mothers, somebody's son and somebody's daughter, husbands, wives, and children, some unborn. And these people brought it on themselves? Their nation is to blame for their meticulously planned slaughter?
These days you don't have to be some dust-encrusted nut job in Kabul or Karachi or Finsbury Park to see America as the Great Satan. The anti-American alliance is made up of self-loathing liberals who blame the Americans for every ill in the Third World, and conservatives suffering from power-envy, bitter that the world's only superpower can do what it likes without having to ask permission.
The truth is that America has behaved with enormous restraint since September 11.
Remember, remember -
Remember the gut-wrenching tapes of weeping men phoning their wives to say, "I love you," before they were burned alive.
Remember those people leaping to their deaths from the top of burning skyscrapers.
Remember the hundreds of firemen buried alive.
Remember the smiling face of that beautiful little girl who was on one of the planes with her mum.
Remember, remember -
And realize that America has never retaliated for 9/11 in anything like the way it could have.
So a few Al-Qaeda tourists got locked without a trial in Camp X-ray? Pass the Kleenex...
So some Afghan wedding receptions were shot up after they merrily fired their semi-automatics in a sky full of American planes? A shame, but maybe next time they should stick to confetti.
AMERICA could have turned a large chunk of the world into a parking lot. That it didn't is a sign of strength. American voices are already being raised against attacking Iraq - that's what a democracy is for.
How many in the Islamic world will have a minute's silence for the slaughtered innocents of 9/11?
How many Islamic leaders will have the guts to say that the mass murder of 9/11 was an abomination?
When the news of 9/11 broke on the West Bank, those freedom-loving Palestinians were dancing in the street. America watched all of that –and didn't push the button. We should thank the stars that America is the most powerful nation in the world. I still find it incredible that 9/11 did not provoke all-out war. Not a "war on terrorism." A real war.
The fundamentalist dudes are talking about "opening the gates of hell," if America attacks Iraq. Well, America could have opened the gates of hell like you wouldn't believe.
The US is the most militarily powerful nation that ever strode the face of the earth. The campaign in Afghanistan may have been less than perfect and the planned war on Iraq may be misconceived. But don't blame America for not bringing peace and light to these wretched countries. How many democracies are there in the Middle East, or in the Muslim world? You can count them on the fingers of one hand - assuming you haven't had any chopped off for minor shoplifting.
I love America, yet America is hated. I guess that makes me Bush's poodle.
But I would rather be a dog in New York City than a Prince in Riyadh. Above all, America is hated because it is what every country wants to be - rich, free, strong, open, and optimistic. Not ground down by the past, or religion, or some caste system. America is the best friend this country ever had and we should start remembering that.
Or do you really think the USA is the root of all evil?
Tell it to the loved ones of the men and women who leaped to their death from the burning towers.
Tell it to the nursing mothers whose husbands died on one of the hijacked planes, or were ripped apart in a collapsing skyscraper.
And tell it to the hundreds of young widows whose husbands worked for the New York Fire Department.
To our shame, George Bush gets a worse press than Saddam Hussein. Once we were told that Saddam gassed the Kurds, tortured his own people and set up rape-camps in Kuwait. Now we are told he likes Quality Street. Save me the orange center, Oh Mighty One!
Remember, remember, September 11 - One of the greatest atrocities in human history was committed against America.
No, do more than remember. Never forget.
Tuesday, March 4
Have you noticed?
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
5. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
9. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
11. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12. AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these
terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
13. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
4. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
5. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
9. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
11. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12. AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these
terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
13. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration
Tuesday, February 18
Taps
We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, "Taps." It's the
song that gives us that lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes.
But, do you know the story behind the song? If not, I think you will be
interested to find out about its humble beginnings.
Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War,when Union Army
Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison's Landing in
Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of
land.
During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay
severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate
soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man
back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the
Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his
encampment. When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered
it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead. The Captain
lit a lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In
the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy
had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling
his father, the boy enlisted in the Confederate Army.
The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his
superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status.
His request was only partially granted. The Captain had asked if he could
have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the
funeral.
The request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate. But, out of
respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician.
The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical
notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth's
uniform. This wish was granted. The haunting melody, we now know as "Taps"
... used at military funerals was born. The words are ...
Day is done ... Gone the sun ... From the lakes ... From the hills ..
From the sky ... All is well ... Safely rest ... God is nigh ...
Fading light ... Dims the sight ... And a star ... Gems the sky ...
Gleaming bright ... From afar ... Drawing nigh ... Falls the night ...
Thanks and praise ... For our days ... Neath the sun .. Neath the stars,..
Neath the sky ... As we go ... This we know ... God is nigh ...
I, too, have felt the chills while listening to "Taps" but I have never seen
all the words to the song until now. I didn't even know there was more than
one verse. I also never knew the story behind the song and I didn't know if
you had either so I thought I'd pass it along. I now have an even deeper
respect for the song than I did before.
LET US ALWAYS REMEMBER THOSE LOST AND HARMED
WHILE SERVING THEIR COUNTRY.
~Via email
We in the United States have all heard the haunting song, "Taps." It's the
song that gives us that lump in our throats and usually tears in our eyes.
But, do you know the story behind the song? If not, I think you will be
interested to find out about its humble beginnings.
Reportedly, it all began in 1862 during the Civil War,when Union Army
Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison's Landing in
Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of the narrow strip of
land.
During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who lay
severely wounded on the field. Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate
soldier, the Captain decided to risk his life and bring the stricken man
back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach through the gunfire, the
Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward his
encampment. When the Captain finally reached his own lines, he discovered
it was actually a Confederate soldier, but the soldier was dead. The Captain
lit a lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In
the dim light, he saw the face of the soldier. It was his own son. The boy
had been studying music in the South when the war broke out. Without telling
his father, the boy enlisted in the Confederate Army.
The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission of his
superiors to give his son a full military burial, despite his enemy status.
His request was only partially granted. The Captain had asked if he could
have a group of Army band members play a funeral dirge for his son at the
funeral.
The request was turned down since the soldier was a Confederate. But, out of
respect for the father, they did say they could give him only one musician.
The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical
notes he had found on a piece of paper in the pocket of the dead youth's
uniform. This wish was granted. The haunting melody, we now know as "Taps"
... used at military funerals was born. The words are ...
Day is done ... Gone the sun ... From the lakes ... From the hills ..
From the sky ... All is well ... Safely rest ... God is nigh ...
Fading light ... Dims the sight ... And a star ... Gems the sky ...
Gleaming bright ... From afar ... Drawing nigh ... Falls the night ...
Thanks and praise ... For our days ... Neath the sun .. Neath the stars,..
Neath the sky ... As we go ... This we know ... God is nigh ...
I, too, have felt the chills while listening to "Taps" but I have never seen
all the words to the song until now. I didn't even know there was more than
one verse. I also never knew the story behind the song and I didn't know if
you had either so I thought I'd pass it along. I now have an even deeper
respect for the song than I did before.
LET US ALWAYS REMEMBER THOSE LOST AND HARMED
WHILE SERVING THEIR COUNTRY.
~Via email
IGNORANCE IS ONE THING. . . . .
. . . . .STUPIDITY IS JUST UNEXCUSABLE!
Brain Cramps
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the
federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the
Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne
```````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
`````````````````````````````````````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP
``````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
```````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
````````````````````````
~Via email
. . . . .STUPIDITY IS JUST UNEXCUSABLE!
Brain Cramps
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live
forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
``````````````````````````````````
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all
those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
````````````
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for the
federal anti-smoking campaign.
`````````````````````````````````````````````````
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
`````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country,"--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
`````````````````````````````
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers.
We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
````````````````````````````````````````````````````
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
````````````````````````````
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the
Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne
```````````
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
``````````````````````````````````
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
```````````````````
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
``````````
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
```````````
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
`````````````````````````````````````````
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
Norman Einstein."--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
````````````````````````````````````````````
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
`````````````````````````````````
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
``````````````````
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP
``````````
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
```````````````
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you.
You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
````````````````````````````````````````````
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
````````````````````````
~Via email
Friday, February 7
Marketing 101
Several women asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps
the following analogies will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say,
"I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome
guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
"She's fantastic in bed."
-- That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say,
"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten
your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,
"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say,
"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."
-- That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into
going home with your friend.
-- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
-- That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the
roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs,
"I'm fantastic in bed!"
-- That's Spam.
~Via Email
Several women asked for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps
the following analogies will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say,
"I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome
guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
"She's fantastic in bed."
-- That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say,
"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten
your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say,
"May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly
against his arm, and then say,
"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."
-- That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into
going home with your friend.
-- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
-- That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the
roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs,
"I'm fantastic in bed!"
-- That's Spam.
~Via Email
Sunday, February 2
THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so
he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances
and plays the summer away. Come winter, the shivering
grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his
comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so? Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah
with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing
"It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing "We
shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down to
pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that
the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and
calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his
"fair share." Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity
and Anti-Grasshopper Act," retroactive to the beginning of
the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate
number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his
retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper
in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried
before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a
list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the
grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while
the government house he is in, which just happens to be the
ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and
the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders
who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: VOTE REPUBLICAN
~Via Email
Saturday, February 1
Saturday, January 25
~I can't help but wonder, as I pass through mine,
How the ones who watch and wait for me,
Will know just exactly when it's Time~
Perchance it comes with age,
experience, or even repetition.
I've scrutinized my intentions
as well as my impressions.
What I had meant, and hoped for,
how short had fallen my mark.
Chancing happenstances that
haplessly fell into my lap
~or out of my mouth~
Even the 'lucky' outcomes,
serendipitously plucky and
somehow 'going south'.
Daring to call it 'destiny',
I didn't want to experience
just another coincidence.
I wanted it all to be so meaningful.
Having asked myself the hard questions.
Forcing an all out search of the Soul,
seeking out my 'Good Intentions',
Finally realizing I'd acted out 'The Fool'.
It has always been just right here,
as I explored wild exotic places.
Just behind my mystique masque,
penumbra my miscellany of faces
I scoured and rummaged through
my quintessenced soul and witnessed
the transpired sacred secret.
As much a mystery as I'd believed,
turned out, it was just a simple trinket
Rejoice the Joys I was meant to wear
the gowns and robes of self satisfaction.
Succor once gained for one's 'Self'
disseminates by aggragate association.
~Whurl
How the ones who watch and wait for me,
Will know just exactly when it's Time~
Perchance it comes with age,
experience, or even repetition.
I've scrutinized my intentions
as well as my impressions.
What I had meant, and hoped for,
how short had fallen my mark.
Chancing happenstances that
haplessly fell into my lap
~or out of my mouth~
Even the 'lucky' outcomes,
serendipitously plucky and
somehow 'going south'.
Daring to call it 'destiny',
I didn't want to experience
just another coincidence.
I wanted it all to be so meaningful.
Having asked myself the hard questions.
Forcing an all out search of the Soul,
seeking out my 'Good Intentions',
Finally realizing I'd acted out 'The Fool'.
It has always been just right here,
as I explored wild exotic places.
Just behind my mystique masque,
penumbra my miscellany of faces
I scoured and rummaged through
my quintessenced soul and witnessed
the transpired sacred secret.
As much a mystery as I'd believed,
turned out, it was just a simple trinket
Rejoice the Joys I was meant to wear
the gowns and robes of self satisfaction.
Succor once gained for one's 'Self'
disseminates by aggragate association.
~Whurl
Wednesday, January 15
Personally I think POLITICAL CORRECTNESS is BULLSHIT
HOW TO SPEAK TO WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE or a CHICK-
She is a breasted American
She is not a SCREAMER or a MOANER –
She is vocally appreciative
She is not DUMB –
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY
She has not BEEN AROUND-
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION
She is not an AIRHEAD –
She is REALITY IMPAIRED
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY -
She gets CHEMICALLY CONVENIENCED
She is not HORNY –
She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS-
She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED
She does not NAG YOU –
She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
She is not a SLUT-
She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS –
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR
She is not a TWO-BIT-WHORE –
She is a LOW-COST-PROVIDER
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT-
He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY
He is not a BAD DANCER –
He is OVERLY CAUCASION
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME –
He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS
He is not BALDING –
He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER –
He is GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
He does not get FALLING-DOWN-DRUNK –
He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS –
He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION
Tuesday, January 14
I feel like laughing out loud today.
These two did it for me, I hope they can do it for you!
A guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking when I was still pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that shit"
Kind ‘a Funny?
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident,
it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally
demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says,
"So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left,
but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God
that we should meet and be friends and live together
in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with
you completely! This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here's
another miracle. My car is completely demolished but
this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely, God wants us
to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his
head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle
and then hands it back to the woman. She takes the
bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands
it back to him.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No, I think I'll
just wait for the police."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.
Monday, January 13
HEY SAILOR!
In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons.
Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply
near the cannon. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck?
The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball on top,
resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon
balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon.
There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from
under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round
indentations. But if this plate was made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it.
The solution to the rusting problem was to make the "Monkeys" out of brass.
Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts and expands more and faster than iron
when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations
would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.
Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
(And all this time, you thought this was an improper expression, didn't you?) ;-)
Saturday, January 11
Tuesday, January 7
BRING ON THE RAIN
Sung by Jo Dee Messina with Tim McGraw
Written by Billy Montana and Helen Darling
Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere
and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (‘cause)
Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
It’s almost like the hard times circle ‘round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I’m not dead
Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain
I’m not gonna let it get me down
I’m not gonna cry
And I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight
I LOVE THE OPTIMISM THIS SONG GIVES ME
MAY IT INSPIRE YOU AS WELL~
We can never thank them enough,
All of America's Veterans and their families.
Thank them for all their sacrifices and our freedoms~
OLD SOLDIER
He was getting old and paunchy
And his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion,
Telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he once fought in
And the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies;
They were heroes, every one.
And 'tho sometimes to his neighbors
His tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly
For they knew where of he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer,
For ol' Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer
For a Soldier died today.
He won't be mourned by many,
Just his children and his wife.
For he lived an ordinary,
Very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family,
Going quietly on his way;
And the world won't note his passing,
'Tho a Soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth,
Their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing,
And proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories
From the time that they were young
But the passing of a Soldier
Goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution
To the welfare of our land,
Some jerk who breaks his promise
And cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow
Who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his country
And offers up his life?
The politician's stipend
And the style in which he lives,
Are often disproportionate,
To the service that he gives.
While the ordinary Soldier,
Who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal
And perhaps a pension, small.
It's so easy to forget them,
For it is so many times
That our Bobs and Jims and Johnnys,
Went to battle, but we know,
It is not the politicians
With their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom
That our country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger,
With your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some cop-out,
With his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Soldier--
His home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Soldier,
Who would fight until the end.
He was just a common Soldier,
And his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us
We may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict,
We find the Soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles
That the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor
While he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage
At the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simply headline
In the paper that might say:
"OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING,
A SOLDIER DIED TODAY."
Pass On The Patriotism!
YOU can make a difference!
~Reprinted from an email from a dear friend.
Source unknown~
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